I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
