New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
