Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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