Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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