I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
