JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
