no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
