the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
