I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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