people are starting to question the shark bite story
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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