hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
