You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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