there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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