There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
