3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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