remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
