Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
