What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
