Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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