ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
