i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
