Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
