dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
