I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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