I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
