You're completely useless in the revolution.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
