I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize