Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
