Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
