we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
