Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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