opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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