She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
