closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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