dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
