chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
