the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Who died my cat blue again?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
