Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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