And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
