just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
