Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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