What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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