it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
