I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
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