I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
