sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
