im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
