Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
