you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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