I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
