I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
