I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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