I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
