I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
