They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
