well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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